I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Randomize
