No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
