loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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