Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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