Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
