This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
