Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
