i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my liver is dry heaving
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
