I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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