Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
