bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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