Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
