just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
