sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
