Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize