I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
