ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
