hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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