Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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