i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
