I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
