I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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