These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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