Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
