This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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