Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
