You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
