I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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