Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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