I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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