His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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