Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
