my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
