this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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