Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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