I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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