dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
