Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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