i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
