Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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