Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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