I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
