is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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