ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize