I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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