he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
