You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
