My sheets look like a crime scene.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize