I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
