btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
