allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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