i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
