so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
