mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Still dying that you shit outside
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
