cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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