The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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