if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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