My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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