all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I just shit out all my problems.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
