I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize