Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
