if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
