idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
