I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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