Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
