So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
