i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I pour the whiskey from now on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
