I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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