so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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