I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she smelled like a LAN party
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The power of my boobs compel you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
