Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
