I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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