It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
