Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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