I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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