dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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