do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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