I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
