he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
